


in all my lives

by kingnyoungie



Category: NCT (Band), WAYV
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Angst with a Happy Ending, Best Friends, Childhood Friends, Johnny is a photographer, Light Angst, M/M, Minor Injuries, One-Sided Attraction, Other Ships Not Mentioned in Tags, Side KunTen, Swearing, Unrequited Love, alternative universe, hyuckyang if you squint, not endgame sorry, other members mentioned - Freeform, ten is a dancer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-12
Updated: 2020-09-17
Packaged: 2021-03-06 20:33:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 13,418
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26424934
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kingnyoungie/pseuds/kingnyoungie
Summary: Ten and Johnny. Johnny and Ten.It has always been them against the world—but friendships grow and falter. After decades of friendship, what happens when one of them begins to look for something more?OR: Johnny and Ten are best friends. Life throws them a curveball, and both of them realize a couple of important things in the duration of their friendship.
Relationships: Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul | Ten/Suh Youngho | Johnny
Comments: 9
Kudos: 25





	1. one: johnny

**Author's Note:**

> talk to me about anything on  twitter   
> don’t forget to leave a kudos if you liked it, and please drop comments! ╰(*´︶`*)╯♡  
> it inspires me to continue writing and shows me that u guys are still interested in what i write <33

#### One.

Johnny and Ten. Ten and Johnny.

The two had been best friends since Ten’s family had moved into the house next to Johnny’s. Ten, who was then six years old, compared to Johnny’s seven, was a boy who struggled with English and slipped into his mother tongue more often than not. When their mothers introduced them to each other, and Ten had introduced himself to Johnny, stumbling through a phrase of broken English, Johnny immediately took a liking towards the younger boy—an innate need to protect him from the harsh, freezing winters of Chicago and the _harsher_ realities of life.

Now, here they were. Johnny’s seventeen now and Ten’s sixteen—both are now walking the boundaries of transitioning from being prepubescent teens to teens on the verge of young adulthood. Teenage angst filling Johnny’s room, mingling with the sound of _Paramore_ playing in the background. Johnny was sprawled on his bed, laid on his stomach as he mindlessly scrolls through twitter on his laptop, seeing tweets from their school mates about the wild parties they’d been attending while some had been tweeting about the mountain of homework they’d have to finish through the weekend. Ten was on the same bed, also on his stomach, as he draws a figure of a man on his sketchpad. Ten’s tongue sticks out slightly, as his concentration on the piece increases.

This was simply the usual for them every Friday night, a sleepover at Johnny or Ten’s room; they’d choose the cleaner room on the night of the sleepover. For being friends of over a decade, the silence and mere presence of the other is enough to comfort them. It was enough of a _bonding_ time, and enough of a _catching up_ moment. There would even be times when the sleepover is _literally_ a _sleepover_ , when either Ten or Johnny would immediately crash to bed as soon as they arrive at the room.

But times like these were Johnny’s favorites—when he could clearly bask in Ten’s presence, breathe the same air as he does, and peek into the masterpieces that Ten would always be able to create. It didn’t matter what pen, pencil, or paper Ten was using—each and every one of his drawings (or even his _bored_ doodles) are a masterpiece, to Johnny.

Johnny lightly hums to Paramore’s Brick by Boring Brick, and Ten stops drawing for a moment. He sits up properly, and Johnny turns to look at him, surprised at Ten’s abrupt movement.

“Hey Johnny,” Ten starts, eyes looking down on his hands as he plays with his fingers, a shaky breath lacing itself with Ten’s voice.

Ten was anxious about something, that much was obvious.

Johnny sits up as well, sensing the gravity of whatever had been plaguing Ten’s mind.

“What’s up?” Johnny asks, now seated facing Ten observing the younger boy’s disposition and seeing the anxiety taking over the younger boy.

“Hey, is there something that’s bothering you, Ten? Someone? You can always tell me,” Johnny gently reminds, urging the younger boy to tell him _anything_.

“I,” Ten opens his mouth to speak, but he falters and sobs erupt from his chest instead. Ten hunches over in an attempt to hide his tears, shoving his face into his own hands.

“Hey, hey, hey, don’t cry, Ten,” Johnny rushes, gently muttering reassurances to the younger boy, while he proceeds to move closer in order to soothe Ten through comforting back rubs.

Ten cries, and Johnny can’t help but feel _helpless_ —here he was, seated next to his best friend of a decade, unable to comfort his _pain_ because Johnny doesn’t even know what caused it.

So, Johnny does what he knows he _could_ do instead, and that was to be a reassuring and constant presence for Ten.

It took about ten minutes of Johnny’s gentle whispers of reassurances and support for Ten to stop sobbing and start calming down. Ten’s eyes are puffy, and he wipes his tears off of his face, lips swollen after being bit on harshly as Ten struggled to keep his sobs to himself.

“Johnny,” Ten mumbles, still unable to make eye contact with Johnny, keeping his gaze set on his thumbs as his thumbs rub his own hand in an attempt to soothe himself.

Johnny chooses to remain silent, instead putting a guiding hand on Ten’s knee, a silent form or encouragement for Ten to continue.

“I like boys,” Ten admits, and his voice is barely above a whisper, laced with an emotion that Johnny _hopes_ isn’t shame.

“Thank you for telling me, I’m very proud of you,” Johnny says, voice careful and calculating, as if Ten would burst into tears at any given moment.

“That’s it? You’re not disgusted that—”

“No, I’m not. And I’m sure your parents or mine would be, either. You are still Ten, my _best friend_ of over ten years. The only thing that’s changed is now I have another thing to love about you.”

“Johnny—”

“If I’m being honest, I think I like boys, too. Girls and boys both.”

Ten quickly gets up to hug Johnny, as Johnny admits his bisexuality. Johnny hugs back just as tightly.

“Thank you for everything, Johnny—I love you.”

“Thank _you_ , for existing, Ten. I love you, too.”

The pair spent the night talking as they usually do—but this time, it was filled with experiences that had made them realize the newly-found and established aspects of their identity. They talked about their _gay_ awakenings, their _male_ celebrity crushes, their future plans, their aspirations, and anything that bothered them. The night was filled with tears, laughter, and dreams. It was so undeniably _them_.

Johnny and Ten. Ten and Johnny.

#### Two.

Frankly, Johnny can’t exactly pinpoint the _exact_ moment that he started to realize that he no longer sees Ten _just_ as a best friend. What Johnny _does_ know, is that he’s been pining for a long time now.

Johnny thinks that he was only able to really _realize_ how deep his feelings for Ten ran when he moved to South Korea for college—it had been Johnny and his parents’ plan, and it was something that Johnny really wanted. He wanted to be more independent and explore the city his parents fell in love with and _in_. What Johnny had not anticipated, is how much he’d be missing his _best friend_.

Though he had made good friends out of Taeyong, Yuta and Taeil, Ten was still someone who could not be _easily_ replaced. Granted, they called as often as they could, and would spend their Friday nights together on Facetime, even if it’d be a struggle due to the difference in time zones. But for Ten, Johnny would move mountains and more—sacrificing some hours of sleep are miniscule in comparison to the countless things that Johnny would do for Ten.

So, when Ten had moved to South Korea to attend the same university as Johnny had been attending—Johnny was _surprised_ and definitely _ecstatic_. Johnny had taken up photojournalism, while Ten had taken up dance.

When Ten arrived in South Korea and entered university as a freshman, Johnny had expressed wanting to move in with the younger in an apartment off-campus; the older had said it would be nice to be roommates with his best friend, a familiar and friendly face in an otherwise very unfamiliar and scary environment. Ten, however, confessed his apprehension towards the idea, explaining that he wanted some sort of independence, and the year they had spent apart really showed how much Ten relied on Johnny. Johnny understood, despite feeling a bit rejected—Ten was right, after all. As much as Johnny wants to stand beside Ten at _all times_ , he just _couldn’t_. Ten even added the fact that he’d been able to find a suitable roommate, in the on-campus dorms—a batchmate of his named Kim Doyoung, who was the son of Ten’s mom’s friend. Thus, Johnny moved in with Yuta and Taeyong in an apartment off-campus, and Ten shared a dorm on with Doyoung.

They still remained the best of friends, though—any time they were both free, they’d spend time with each other, their friend groups naturally merging as well. Ten spent a couple of months in China alongside some of the Chinese exchange students of the university during his second year of college, and he found a nice friend group he settled into quite well. Granted, all his friends were from China, and Ten had been able to converse with them well, being proficient in Mandarin alongside Korean, English and Thai. Johnny, on the other hand, stuck close to Yuta, Taeyong, Doyoung and Taeil—however, their group had been continuously expanding, thanks to Taeyong and Doyoung’s immediate _parental_ instincts and their incessant need to welcome freshmen with open arms. Johnny wasn’t complaining, though.

Despite all the years of knowing each other and being each other’s best friends, Johnny still frequently finds something knew about Ten that he either doesn’t know about or doesn’t really notice.

Like the scene that plays out in front of him.

He was in the dance studio, waiting on one of the couches inside the room as Ten was practicing a dance he had to choreograph and perform for one of his classes. Johnny was catching up on his readings for one of his classes, spending time productively as he waits for Ten.

There was no special occasion, it was just a Friday night they couldn’t spend together binging Netflix. At first, Ten had even bailed on Johnny as he needs to practice more, but Johnny insisted on spending time with Ten and hanging out with him in the studio instead. Ten warned him about how boring it could get, but if Johnny was being honest, the time he spends with Ten could never be boring.

Ten had spent a total of five hours in the studio, and it was nearing 10pm when Johnny started to nag at Ten. If Johnny would be completely honest, the dance routine itself was already fine, _perfect_ , even—but Ten’s standards on himself are _unbelievably_ high, his perfectionist nature peeking through.

It was 10:30 at night when a group of underclassmen that’s a part of Ten’s friend group arrived.

Johnny wasn’t all too familiar with them but he does know their names, because Ten often talks about them extensively and fondly, and Donghyuck, his _adoptive_ freshman (since Doyoung’s was Jeno and Taeyong’s was Mark), would ramble about his _crush_ on one of Ten’s underclassmen friends. The three who arrived were Xiaojun, Hendery and Yangyang (this one Johnny was _really_ familiar with, considering that this was Hyuck’s crush) and they each greeted Johnny lightly when they arrived.

Ten saw the three immediately and the youngest of the three immediately launched himself to hug Ten. Ten stopped dancing and immediately opened his arms to catch the youngest with a wide grin. They began talking in rapid Mandarin, and Johnny can’t help but to feel _butterflies_ in his stomach as he sees Ten talking fondly with his younger friends—Ten wrapping an arm on the youngest, moving the youngest’s hair off of his face as the youngest was animatedly telling him about their day, Xiaojun and Hendery chiming in to include necessary comments and details along the way.

This was an entirely new side of Ten that Johnny had never seen—when Ten went out with his group of friends, he would usually prefer being taken care of, annoying and teasing the underclassmen and never really doting on them. But this, seeing Ten interact with his younger friends, _babying_ their youngest and doting on him, it was _adorable_.

The group were conversing in rapid Mandaring that Johnny could comprehend, so he put his focus on his readings instead, fearing that his heart may spontaneously combust after seeing Ten adorably interact with his friends.

Johnny, does notice that the three begin to nag and whine at Ten, though—Ten’s face painted with an exasperated but fond expression.

 _“Kunnie sent you, didn’t he?”_ Ten asked the three.

 _“Kun-ge sent us because he said you were likely overworking yourself and wanted you over his and Sicheng-ge’s apartment for a sleepover with all of us—Xuxi is already there, ge,”_ Hendery explained, nagging at the older and grabbing one of Ten’s arms to nag at him.

“ _Fine, I’ll just tell Johnny-hyung,”_ Ten explained, fixing his stuff.

The trio whooped and cheered, successfully able to nag their _ge_ into coming with them to rest.

Ten called out to Johnny, “Hyung, hey. I’m going with these three idiots to Sicheng and Kun’s apartment, I’ll be staying over there, and I’ll be leaving in a few.”

“We’ll wait for you outside, Ten-ge,” Xiaojun said, bringing the two other boys with him.

“Yeah, sure. You’re done?” Johnny asked.

“Yeah, I’m done for the night. Those three would have my head if I don’t come with them,” Ten says while he rolls his eyes, but the smile on his lips tell Johnny that he isn’t really annoyed.

“Sorry if I wasn’t good company for today, hyung—it’s just I’ve been busy and—” Ten stutters out, sadness in his eyes as he apologizes.

Johnny’s heart aches as he sees the younger feel like he’s disappointed Johnny, so Johnny quickly reassures Ten, “It’s fine, Ten, life’s really busy, I get that. It was nice to even just see you practice what you love doing. This is bonding as much as our binges are bonding.”

Johnny had a comforting grin on his face, and Ten’s face visibly lightens up.

“Let’s go then, hyung,” Ten tells him, as Johnny picks up his stuff and leaves the room as well. Ten turns the lights off and the pair see the trio out in front of the studio, bickering and laughing together.

Ten rushes to go towards them and Johnny follows.

“Bye, Johnny—get home safe!” Ten tells him, as he walks towards the group of underclassmen.

“Bye Johnny-hyung! Tell Donghyuck that he still sucks at PUBG,” Yangyang waves him off as well a large smirk on his face, while Xiaojun and Hendery settle for a small wave of good bye.

Johnny laughs as Xiaojun flicks Yangyang on the forehead, while Ten slings his arms on the youngest’s shoulders.

“Bye, you lot—get home safe. Text me when you arrive in Kun and Sicheng’s apartment okay, Ten? And I’ll be sure to tell, Hyuck, Yangyang,” Johnny bids the group goodbye.

They part ways, and walk towards opposite directions. Though Johnny _should_ feel dejected that his best friend chose to spend time with the _younger ones_ instead of him, Johnny doesn’t have it in him to feel sad for himself, knowing that Ten was absolutely enjoying himself and is _overwhelmingly_ happy. Ten deserved the break, and if the trio were able to nag him enough to rest, it was obvious to Johnny that Ten had a soft spot for them and would be able to rest comfortably with them, too.

Johnny had nothing to worry about—Ten was in good hands, even if the hands who take care of him aren’t his.

#### Three.

Johnny was excitedly humming to himself as he packs his equipment and his clothes. Yuta and Taeyong, his roommates since college (and have stuck with him ever since) were still out of the apartment. Yuta was off working as an accountant, and Taeyong, who had a much more flexible job as a designer, was out to buy groceries for their apartment.

Johnny would be flying to London tomorrow—am opportunity to establish his name in the photojournalism community had presented itself to Johnny a month ago, when one of his favorite professors had approached him with the proposition.

Johnny’s professor was a famous photographer, and he’d been invited to give a talk on one of London’s prestigious universities—alongside the talk, his professor was given a spot on one of their highly anticipated art shows. The university granted the professor extra spots for photographers that his professor would want to introduce to the community, and his professor had contacted him to inform him that the spot would be Johnny’s if he was willing to take it. Johnny, of course, excitedly agreed—though Johnny was making waves through Seoul, if he truly wanted to develop and be recognized for his art, he would need to have international exposure. Johnny would be attending the opening of the gallery a day from now, and would be given the ability introduce himself to art curators, artists, photographers and other art enthusiasts—he’d be able to explain his artistry, too.

Overall, it was a chance that he was willing to take for himself.

Johnny is incredibly happy, but also quite nervous—London was a new place that he’d have to explore alone, and he’d have to introduce himself to unfamiliar and critical faces.

What he doesn’t expect, however, is a call from Ten who sounded frazzled and pained.

“Ten? What happened?”

“I—I tore a ligament in my ankle as I was practicing, hyung. I ruptured my ankle and I just got out of surgery for it,” Ten says out through sniffles.

“What? Which hospital are you in?”

“The one near the dance studio, Johnny—but don’t worry I just wanted to inform you. I’m already with Kun and Sicheng, Kun’s making sure I get treated,” Ten assures him, though Ten’s sniffles do _nothing_ to reassure Johnny.

“I’ll be there in five,” Johnny tells Ten, as he rushes to grab his wallet and keys.

“John, I’m fine—I just wanted to inform you so you won’t have my head the next time you see me because I’ll probably be in crutches.”

“I’m on my way, Ten.”

Johnny ends the call, before he can even hear Ten huff in annoyance.

\--

Johnny arrives at the hospital ten minutes after the call, rushing towards Ten’s room, which he had to ask for in the reception, seeing as the younger wasn’t replying to any of his replies.

They can deal with the petty fight later—it was more important for Johnny to see that Ten was _physically_ okay.

Johnny opened the door, and three heads snap towards his direction immediately. Ten was resting on a hospital bed, face swollen from crying but his annoyance at Johnny visible, as he glares at the older when the older man arrives.

Kun was still in his coat, checking up on Ten, a worried look on his face as well, while Sicheng was set next to Ten, holding Ten’s hand for moral support.

The two Chinese men greet Johnny with a small smile.

“We’ll give you two some space,” Kun says gently, glancing at the best friends, before he urges Sicheng to stand up and to fetch coffee for the group.

Ten sighs loudly and looks at Johnny pointedly.

“ _Look,_ Hyung, I told you not to worry about me—you should be preparing for your trip tomorrow! Kunnie is taking good care of me and so is Sicheng, I don’t need you to nag at me every hour because of _this,”_ Ten all but scowls at the older—it definitely would have intimidated Johnny, but Ten’s sniffles broke his heart more than it scared him.

Johnny sighs, choosing his words wisely, in order not to anger Ten any more than he already has. An angry Ten is a stubborn Ten, and Johnny would rather not deal with the stubbornness.

“Ten, no matter what I do, I’ll always worry about you, okay? I’ve been able to pack my stuff for the trip anyway, spending some time here to make sure you’re okay won’t stop me from doing anything,” Johnny explains and Ten’s gaze softens.

“Then you can only stay until 5pm, and then you have to go home—Kun will be staying the night here, so don’t even worry about that! He’s _literally_ a doctor, I’ll be fine with him,” Ten says, his tone audibly softer than it had been when they first started talking.

Johnny nods, although Johnny’s quite sure that he won’t be listening to Ten, though. It was hard for Johnny to focus on other things when he knows that Ten _is_ hurt.

Johnny then asks Ten how he got the injury, and Ten explained how he and Sicheng had been practicing a new choreography and he may have pushed himself too hard. Ten had executed a turn wrongly and his ankle started to hurt immediately and Sicheng rushed to his aid. After they realized that Ten couldn’t walk, they’d call Kun in a panic—Kun calmly told them of what to do and proceeded to drive towards the studio to fetch the two. Then, Kun drove to them to the hospital and put Ten in the ER, until an orthopedist told him that the best course of action was to have surgery, in order to minimize the pain and long-term harms of the injury. Johnny lets out a _‘tsk’_ sound, berating Ten for not being able to know his own limits. Ten pouts and slaps Johnny’s arms, but Johnny suddenly turns serious and tells Ten that he should take care of himself better.

“Ten, you should be taking care of yourself more—these kinds of injuries, they can’t be pretty. This could have _fucked_ up your career big time,” Johnny speaks carefully.

Ten turns rigid and closes his eyes, rubbing his temples in an attempt to calm himself down, “You think I don’t know that, Johnny? You think I spent the afternoon crying on Sicheng just because my ankle _hurts_ Johnny? I fucking cried because this could _hurt_ my career and it was because I was reckless and stupid and _uncareful_.”

“Ten, I didn’t mean—”

“I know you didn’t, John, but I’m really fucking tired and I’d appreciate it if we’ll talk about this later instead.”

“I’m—”

Just as Johnny was about to apologize, Sicheng and Kun arrived with bags of food and drinks on their hands. Ten lights up immediately, seeing Kun and Sicheng with a ton of his favorite foods.

“Johnny-hyung come eat with us, we bought enough for everyone,” Kun said to Johnny, as he and Sicheng immediately set the food down on the table and Sicheng talks Ten through what they bought.

Johnny helps Kun set the table up near Ten’s bed and he can’t help but observe how Ten clings easily to both Sicheng and Kun—Ten sneaking glances at the man in front of Johnny with soft gaze held in his eyes.

Johnny feels assured, at least—Ten has such _great friends_ who take care of him, specially when Johnny isn’t around.

\--

They eat and converse lightly over the food that Kun and Sicheng bought—laughing as Sicheng told them of stories of the children they were teaching dance to.

“Oh, Ten, that reminds me—Yangyang and Hyuck are coming over to visit you after their classes. Xiaojun, Hendery and Lucas will have to go tomorrow because they have classes today, and some projects due,” Kun tells Ten, and Johnny is reminded of how much love Ten receives from his friend group, and he’s genuinely happy for Ten.

Ten smiles at Sicheng and Kun, a soft smile that’s just as charming as his toothy Cheshire cat-like grin. Kun was now talking fondly about his patients, one was a young girl who had taken a liking to him, clinging to the doctor whenever he’d visit her room. The young girl was suffering from cancer, but thankfully, she was recovering quite well. 

If Johnny was only able to take photos of one subject for the rest of his life, it would be Ten’s smile. It had been the smile that inspired him to take pictures—the smile to lead him to discover his love and passion for photography. It was only natural for Johnny to take pictures of the _things_ he loved the most—Ten and Ten’s smile.

\--

Soon after they eat, Kun got his laptop from his office to let Sicheng and Ten use for Netflix. Kun had left shortly after for his apartment, getting some clothes and necessary things for when he’d stay the night at Ten’s room.

Sicheng, Johnny and Ten were left to watch movies on Kun’s laptop and they all choose to watch Studio Ghiibli films—Ten’s comfort movies.

After one movie, Yangyang and Donghyuck arrive together—holding hands. Johnny smiles at the young couple, happy that _at least_ his adoptive freshman was able to have a fruitful love life as he seemed to be _eternally damned_ to pine.

As soon as they open the door, Yangyang rushes to engulf Ten in a warm hug, a gummy smile on his face, Ten mirroring the same wide grin. Sicheng pats Yangyan’s back in greeting, and Donghyuck waves at Sicheng and Ten as well.

Donghyuck engulfs Johnny in a hug, too, as it’d been a long time since they’ve seen each other, both too busy with their own lives—Donghyuck with college and Johnny with his job.

“Ten-ge, if you missed me _that_ much, you could’ve just said so! You didn’t have to injure yourself for me to visit you,” Yangyang nags Ten in English, and Ten rolls his eyes, but proceeds to pout anyways.

“Yeah right. With how busy you are, this is the only time you’d actually visit me willingly,” Ten whines.

“That’s not true! We saw each other last week, ge,” Yangyang pouts too, whining at the older man as well.

“Okay, that’s enough—Ten you’re upset that you’re _child_ is growing up too fast and he’s _snagged a boyfriend_ earlier than you have, and Yangyang you’re upset because your _dad_ is acting like a child and complaining when he could have a boyfriend if he would just make moves on _your baba_ ,” Sicheng speaks in Mandarin, as rolls his eyes at their antics.

Yangyang and Ten stutter out excuses in embarrassment, using Mandarin to at least keep their embarrassment to themselves. Johnny and Donghyuck look over at each other and laugh.

“Uh, ehem,” Johnny coughs to gain the attention of the three bickering men.

“Oh right, they don’t understand Mandarin,” Yangyang chuckles as he realizes that their conversation shifted to something unfamiliar to both Johnny and Donghyuck.

“Johnny, it’s five pm—I’m kicking you out. You need to finalize packing and you need to wake up early for your flight tomorrow, go home!” Ten announces, voice laced with a sternness that Johnny didn’t know ever existed.

“Yeah, I’ll be heading out now. Take care of yourself, Ten, alright?” Johnny says, as he grabs his belongings.

Ten waves him off and Sicheng waves good bye as well. Donghyuck hugs him good bye very tightly, the younger man saying words of encouragement for his trip. Yangyang goes for a fist bump as a form of good bye, a playful and boyish grin decorating his face, and Johnny returns it, chuckling lightly—Johnny ruffles the younger boys’ heads as he proceeds to head out.

\--

Johnny arrives at his apartment only to see that neither Yuta or Taeyong have yet to return. He proceeds to his luggage and he suddenly doubts the entire trip—yes, it would be a great opportunity, but either way, even the fact that his pictures were displayed is already a good enough opportunity. There was _no way in hell_ that Johnny would not be beside Ten as Ten heals from his injury.

Johnny takes his phone out and calls his professor and all the necessary people to contact—telling them that he wouldn’t be able to make it to the opening of the gallery, as there had been an emergency situation. His professor expressed concern and said that it was fine and that he understood—Johnny was more than grateful.

Johnny quickly packs an overnight bag and writes a quick note to both Yuta and Taeyong explaining the situation. He grabs all his necessities and rushes out the door.

Ten would probably be angry, but Johnny would prefer an angry Ten over a _hurting_ Ten, any day.

#### Four.

Johnny was seated on his chair for the entire day. Johnny hasn’t walked out of the four walls of his home office, unless when it had been to pee or to drink water. Taeyong had even visited his office before he went out to meet a client—worriedly hovering over him as Taeyong knows that the other man hadn’t been sleeping nor eating well for the past few days.

Despite not being able to attend the opening of the gallery, Johnny was able to gain recognition, emails flooding Johnny’s inbox inquiring about his photography. The amount of commissions he would take in after the gallery had increased and this caused Johnny to take on more challenges than he was used to. The commissions range from weddings to high-end fashion shoots.

Right now, he was editing a set of pictures for an art magazine that invited him to be the _star_ of the next month’s edition. The deadline for the pictures was tomorrow, and Johnny had been investing so much time on this set of pictures. The set of pictures, though, is not being cooperative.

It was early into the morning and Johnny was still editing the pictures, his frustration growing as he can’t seem to be satisfied with the edits. Johnny stands up and stretches—moving to get out of his office for a bit. He heads out to the kitchen, grabbing a glass of water. Johnny’s phone rings, and Johnny rushes back to his office to grab his phone.

Ten’s face flashes on the screen and Johnny immediately picks up.

“Ten?”

“Johnny-hyung, this is Sicheng—What do you mean don’t call Johnny? Ten, no, Kun’s on a shift right now—he’s literally trying to _save a life_! Hi hyung, Ten and I are out and he’s really _fucking_ drunk, and I’d totally take him home but I have to bring Lucas home too and he’s even more hammered than Ten, can you pick him up? I know it’s late and we’re sorry to disturb you but I really wouldn’t call you if it isn’t—”

“Hey Sicheng, it’s fine! Just wait for me, where are you guys?”

“We’re in the Vision right now, hyung, I’ll wait for you to get here before Lucas and I grab an Uber,” Sicheng explains.

“Alright, I’ll be there in fifteen, thanks Sicheng. Stay safe.”

“You too, hyung.”

\--

Johnny arrives on the club, and he immediately sees drunken Ten and Lucas clinging tightly to Sicheng—laughing and giggling together as the sober Chinese man try his best to take care of the two.

Sicheng’s face immediately loosens up as soon as he sees Johnny, waving at the tall American to greet him.

“Johnny!” Ten shouted, loudly greeting him, and launching his small body towards Johnny’s large frame. Johnny catches the smaller man and barely stumbles, but he straightens Ten up immediately and helps him stand up.

“Hi hyung!” Lucas greets him brightly as well, eyes large and bright, glazed over with a drunken haze.

“Hi hyung, thanks for coming on such a short notice—I would’ve called Kun-ge but Kun-ge’s in an emergency operation right now and I didn’t know who else would take care of Ten-ge’s drunk ass—”

“It’s fine Sicheng, I’ll take care of him. You and Lucas will get home safe?” Johnny smiles, not wanting to let the younger man think that taking care of Ten would burden them.

“Yeah, I’ll be looking for an Uber now, hyung. Thanks again,” Sicheng waves good bye to them, as Ten screeches a loud farewell, and equally loud and obnoxious kissing noises accompanying his farewell to both Lucas and Sicheng.

Lucas matches Ten’s energy, as he usually does, while Sicheng just smiles tiredly.

Ten gets inside Johnny’s car and they ride to Johnny’s apartment in silence.

\--

By the time Johnny and Ten arrive at Johnny, Yuta and Taeyong’s shared apartment, Ten had been relatively calmer than he was when he was with Sicheng. Ten had come down from the extremely giggly and intoxicated stated that he had been in, and settled into a more _tired_ one.

As soon as Johnny leads Ten into his room, Johnny hands Ten a shirt and a pair of shorts that Ten had left for when he’d sleep over the older man’s apartment. Ten changes into the clothing and brushes his teeth and removes his makeup in Johnny’s bathroom, and Johnny grabs Ten a glass of water to drink before Ten crashes on Johnny’s bed.

Ten gratefully accepts the glass of water, before quietly moves to Johnny’s bed and flops over. Ten grumbles into the pillow, and Johnny hears a muffled “sorry” from the Thai man.

Johnny finds it easy to forgive Ten—even when Ten somehow ends up needing being saved from questionable decisions during _crucial times_ for Johnny’s career. Johnny’s heart is engulfed by a warmth when Ten had apologized for what Johnny thinks is being a _drunk that needs to be taken care of_.

Johnny leaves his room to move over to his office again, continuing the editing process that he had to abandon.

Thankfully, inspiration seemed to knock on Johnny’s _metaphorical_ door.

\--

Johnny wakes up at around eleven in the morning to an empty bed—which, honestly fazed him, seeing as he slept beside Ten earlier, and now, Ten was nowhere to be found. It was a Saturday, and Johnny was _sure_ that Ten didn’t have work today, but Johnny thinks that Ten had another thing planned for the day.

Johnny looks for his phone to text Ten, when he sees a yellow sticky note stuck to his phone. Ten scribbled on the note, a “thanks :))” neatly written, with two doodled cats on the bottom right corner that look an awful lot like Louis and Leon.

Johnny smiles and he feels a good day is up ahead for him—butterflies erupting in his tummy, a warm and happy emotion filling every fiber of his being.

#### Five.

For the past few months, Ten and Sicheng had been busying themselves with acquiring the dance studio of their dreams and just last week, they had successfully opened up their dance studio.

The opening had been successful, students immediately filling up the slot of every available class. Most of the instructors in Ten and Sicheng’s studio had been young _(but not inexperienced,_ talented and skilled dancers and all of them have been very professional and kind—namely, they had Lucas, Minghao and Jun, and some part timers who were still in university _(taking up dance)_ named Minho, Hyunjin, Felix, and of course, Yangyang.

Ten had called Johnny earlier to invite him for dinner—Ten was treating him to an _expensive_ five-star restaurant, and Ten had reminded him to dress for the occasion, in his usual teasing tone. Ten had even _excitedly_ told him about a surprise that he’d have for Johnny—so excited that Johnny couldn’t help the wide grin presenting itself on his face.

Johnny thinks it’d be the perfect time to confess to Ten. Everything had been going well for the both of them recently.

Johnny had been gaining more exposure, being invited to display his pictures in galleries all around the world, being commissioned by more and more people, he’d been able to open up his own studio as well, expanding his business not just for artistic photography, but also covering weddings, birthdays and other precious occasions that people would love to be documented, hiring other skilled photographers and editors to help him in his business. There was Mingyu, a fresh graduate who definitely has an eye for photographing people, able to capture the most beautiful of moments in the most beautiful of ways. Another photographer Johnny hired was a part-timer named Seungmin, who Donghyuck had introduced to Johnny when the college kid had been looking for a job. Johnny couldn’t deny Seungmin of the job either, not when the kid _clearly_ both had skill and talent, even Mingyu had recognized it.

Ten obviously had opened a dance studio alongside Sicheng—which is a dream that Ten has had since he realized that he wanted to dance for as long as he could. The opening was an _obvious and clear_ success, and Johnny was truly proud and happy for his best friend.

Over the last few months, Johnny had also felt as if the younger man had been much more open to him—more than Ten had ever been since he came to Korea.

Ever since Ten had asked Johnny for more independence, Ten had distanced himself from Johnny, which had been something that Johnny honestly anticipated. This didn’t mean that they were no longer best friends, they just had separate friend groups then, and though their friend groups merged as well, Ten had formed his own identity independent of Johnny—unlike when they had been younger, when times were easier and Johnny and Ten would be inseparable.

Everyone would think that Johnny would have felt bad about Ten distancing himself, but if he was being honest, he just felt _inexplicably proud_. Proud that his best friend was able to find himself and his own identity, that’s genuinely himself and free from _outside influence_.

For the past few months that Johnny and Ten had been meeting up to catch up with each other and hanging out, Ten was _lighter and happier_ , in a sense—he’d been more receptive of Johnny’s clinginess and had been much more comfortable recently.

Johnny thinks he has a chance. He _hopes_ he has a chance.

Johnny thinks that tonight would be the night he’d be brave enough to tell Ten the biggest secret he’d ever kept from his best friend.

\--

Johnny agreed to meet Ten in the restaurant, and Johnny had decided to come in ten minutes early for their reservation. Johnny decided to buy Ten a bouquet of sunflowers, _friendly_ enough to provide Johnny a scapegoat if _needed_ , but meaningful enough that it would aid his _confession_.

Johnny is assisted to a table near the window and he sits down. He was wearing a black satin button up tucked into a pair of casual black slacks. It was formal enough for the restaurant, but casual enough that it looked like Johnny was just _effortlessly beautiful_ (which honestly, a lot of people would argue to be true).

Johnny was hyping himself up, thinking of what he would say to Ten and how he’d say it. Obviously, Johnny would want his confession to mean a lot to Ten, but this was Ten—they’ve known each other for over a decade, they were _familiar and comfortable_. Johnny just wants to get the confession over—he was done pining. He’d just want to love to the other man as much as he can and as much as Ten _really deserves_.

Then, Johnny sees Ten enter the restaurant, looking absolutely _gorgeous_ in a simple satin button up, loosely hanging off his frame, while he wears black skinny jeans and black Chelsea boots. Johnny’s face visibly lights up, but then he sees another man enter alongside Ten, _holding Ten’s hand_.

As Ten nears Johnny, Ten sees Johnny and gives him a warm smile, and Johnny smiles back. It was then clear who the other man was—Kun. The lovely, gentle and _ever so kind_ Kun, who’s been Ten’s close friend since college.

Kun makes eye contact with Johnny and smiles widely at the older man as well, and Johnny automatically smiles back.

They greet each other as the pair arrives at the table, Johnny hugging Ten tightly with a wide grin, and Ten hugs him back just as tightly. Johnny moves to hug Kun as well, and Kun returns the hug.

“Hey Johnny,” Ten greets him, as they Johnny sits back down in his seat, and Kun and Ten take the seat opposite him.

“Hi Johnny-hyung,” Kun greets him as well, a bright dimpled smile on his face.

“Hey guys, congrats on the studio Ten! The flowers are for you,” Johnny says, giving the flowers to Ten, knowing that he probably wouldn’t be able to utilize it for _his confession_ anyways.

“You’re probably confused but—first things first, I’m sorry if I had to keep this a secret from you, John. I just felt like I really wanted to be sure with Kun before we go around telling our friends,” Ten explains, smiling at him and glancing at Kun—Kun looks at him supportively and holds his hand under the table.

“John, Kun and I have been dating for five months now,” Ten tells him, the smile that Johnny absolutely loves doesn’t leave his face.

With those few words, Johnny can’t help but feel his heart shatter—he _definitely_ won’t be able to confess his feelings now.

“This is great, I’m happy for you guys!” Johnny says _trying_ his best to sound genuine—because he _is_ genuinely happy for his best friend.

“Let’s order some food then, my treat,” Ten says, and they grab the menus given to them by the waiter.

Johnny observes the two and smiles sadly. The two were off in their own little world, bickering about the food they’d want to order—Johnny is unbelievably happy for his best friend, but incredibly sad _for himself_.

What hurts more, is the fact that it hadn’t even been five minutes since Johnny had known of Kun and Ten’s relationship, yet he already _approves_ of them. Johnny hasn’t seen Ten this happy and comfortable in the decades that they’ve been best friends, and he’s noticed that the past few months Ten had been this way, too. Now, Johnny sees the reason behind Ten’s _much_ lighter moods and _much_ brighter smiles.

Johnny doesn’t even have it in him to be _that_ sad—of course he pities himself for pining extensively and the moment that he decides to make a move, his best friend suddenly tells him he’s dating someone else, but it wasn’t as sad as people would think he’d be. He can’t be sad when the person he loves looks so _undeniably_ happy. His sadness is outweighed by the amount of happiness he feels for his best friend being able to find someone who looks at him like he deserves all the love in the world _(and someone to look at the same way, too)_.

If Johnny was being honest, Ten looks at Kun like Kun could give him everything—like Kun could give him all the things that even Ten’s _best friend_ of over ten years could _never_ give.

Johnny would always love to take pictures of Ten and Ten’s smile—he used to think that he’d want to always be the reason for that smile. However, seeing Ten grinning brightly at Kun, Johnny thinks it won’t matter who the reason for Ten’s smile would be, as long as Johnny could take pictures of his smile endlessly and imprint Ten’s happiness on his brain, Johnny would be okay. _More than okay,_ even.


	2. two: ten

#### One. 

Johnny was fiercely loyal and protective, Ten knows this very well. When they were growing up in Chicago, and a group of homophobic kids found out about Ten’s sexuality, Johnny had been the first one to defend him and to look at the kids in the eye—telling them that nothing was wrong about being gay. Johnny would always prefer the more pacifist way of doing things, but was not afraid to get intimidating and physical. Johnny wasn’t blessed with such height for nothing.

Ten, alongside Johnny, Doyoung, Taeyong, Yuta, and Jaehyun went out to a frat party in their university. Ten had always been social, and right now, he was conversing with Bambam and Yugyeom, who he’d seen on the kitchen looking for drinks. The two younger men had been egging Ten on with drinking alcohol, teasing Ten’s alcohol tolerance. After a while, when the three of them had considerably drunk more drinks than they could count, Ten starts searching for the friends he came to the party with—at one point, Jinyoung and Jackson fetched the two younger men to stop them from drinking any more than they can handle, and Jackson, _being the absolutely kind soul that he is_ , also stopped Ten from drinking any more drinks. Jackson points Ten towards Johnny and the group, and Ten thanks Jackson with a pat on the back.

But before Ten could even walk back towards the group he went to party with, he’d been roped into a drinking game with a bunch of other people who he’s _friends_ with, but not _close_ with. Ten has probably lost most of his inhibitions at this point and decided to just join the game.

“Ten, come! We’re playing extreme truth or dare, you want to join?” Jun waved him over, another Chinese man who’s become Kun’s close friend and Xiaojun’s as well.

“I’m down,” Ten says and giggles, walking towards where Jun had been sitting.

He sits in between Jun and another upperclassman who was _probably_ Johnny’s batchmate. The group welcomes him with whoops and cheers, and he recognizes a few of his batchmates aside from Jun—Wonwoo, Soonyoung and Jihoon.

“That’s Jeonghan-hyung,” Jun says pointing towards the _angel_ seated next to him. Ten waves and introduces himself grinning widely, and Jeonghan smiles back at him.

“Next to him is, Seungcheol-hyung,” Jun points towards the man who had an arm wrapped around Jeonghan. Ten nods at Seungcheol’s direction, a grin still evident on Ten’s face.

“That’s Shua-hyung,” Jun points and Ten definitely knows him, seeing as he was also an American who moved to Korea for university—obviously Ten would know about the foreigner whose situation is all-too similar.

“I actually know who Shua-hyung is,” Ten giggles and Joshua smiles brightly at him.

“Obviously you already know our batchmates—but that’s Seokmin, Mingyu, Minghao, Vernon, Seungkwan, Chan, Moonbin, Dongmin and Minhyuk,” Jun points to everyone and they all smile and wave towards Ten. Ten smiles back and sends a little wave towards their way.

“Let’s get this party started, then!” Jeonghan exclaims, and everyone whoops, including Ten.

\--

The party was still going strong, albeit the game had long been stopped—everyone getting drunker than necessary. The group had broken off into small groups, but Ten was sticking around Jeonghan, Seungcheol, Jun, Joshua and Soonyoung, laughing along with them and exchanging entertaining anecdotes.

Ten looks for Johnny or Doyoung, and he sees the two men conversing with other people in the kitchen. Ten reverts his attention back to the current group and he sees Jun and Joshua flirt with each other, Soonyoung was bothering Jihoon after Jihoon had been roped back into the group. Seungcheol went to the restroom, and Jeonghan was looking at Ten intently.

“You have really pretty lips,” Jeonghan tells Ten, a playful smirk on his face.

“Hmm, really, hyung?” Ten asks, fluttering his eyelashes at the older man.

The both of them were probably _too_ drunk for them to be aware of what they were doing, but really, Ten was _very gay_ and _very drunk._ His impulse control _isn’t_ that great, obviously.

“I think they’d be prettier against my lips, though,” Jeonghan giggles as he touches Ten’s lips.

Ten doesn’t think, instead choosing to close the gap between him and Jeonghan. As Ten pecks Jeonghan, Seungcheol returns from the restroom and sees his boyfriend kissing another man.

“Uhm, what the fuck?” Seungheol loudly exclaims, and Jeonghan and Ten were startled from their kiss.

“Oh _shit,_ Cheollie, _fuck—”_ Jeonghan panics, and that’s when Ten realizes that he _fucked up_ and _pecked a taken man_. _Shit_.

“Oh shit, Seungcheol-hyung, I’m fucking sorry, I didn’t mean to kiss Jeonghan-hyung—” Ten exclaims, jumping away from Jeonghan, eyes widening and immediately sobering up.

“What _the fuck_ happened?” Seungcheol raises his voice, anger quite _obviously_ directed towards Jeonghan and Ten.

“Babe, I’m sorry, I wasn’t thinking—I started flirting with Ten and then called him pretty and told him he has pretty lips, but—” Jeonghan explained in a rush, tears welling in his eyes.

“I kissed him, Seungcheol, please don’t get mad at Jeonghan-hyung for this—I made the move to _peck_ him on the lips, it’s not even his fault,” Ten explains in a rush.

“I’m so fucking sorry, I didn’t mean to kiss him I swear, I wouldn’t have kissed him if I knew he was taken—and I’m so fucking stupid that I didn’t see how your arms were wrapped around him the entire night—I’m so fucking sorry,” Ten apologizes, trying to look Seungcheol in the eyes despite the older man’s anger.

Ten doesn’t see that Johnny had been observing the entire thing unfold and was walking towards them.

“What the fuck’s happening here?” out of nowhere, Johnny asks, voice low and threatening as he fixes his eyes to glare at Seungcheol.

Ten stops Johnny and grabs his arm, squeezing at Johnny as Ten begs for Johnny to not involve himself.

“Who the fuck—” Seungcheol doesn’t even get the chance to complete the question when Johnny’s fist collides with the side of Seungcheol’s face.

“What the actual fuck, Johnny!” Ten screeches, as he throws himself in front of Seungcheol to stop Johnny from throwing another punch and at this point, Jeonghan was dragging Seungcheol away and glaring at Johnny.

“Ten, he was literally raising his voice at you!” Johnny reasons, anger still seething.

“Yeah, for good fucking reason, Johnny! Go out and get some fucking air, John, I’ll talk to you later,” Ten angrily says, as he pushes Johnny away. Johnny looks at Seungcheol and looks at Ten again, seeing Ten’s face flare up with anger. Johnny takes a deep breath, taking one last look at the three before he angrily walks away. Ten will handle that later

Ten turns to Seungcheol and Jeonghan, who were both stunned in shock. They obviously hadn’t intended the conversation to be violent, seeing as Seungcheol was more of a _pacifist_ then he seems, but also because Seungcheol was generally just _confused_ more than he is angry. Even Ten, who usually avoids confrontation, easily saw that the confrontation would not have resulted to any form of violence.

Jun and the rest of Ten’s batchmates saw the entire thing blow up, and by now have all huddled them in worry. Seungcheol and Jeonghan wave the group away in dismissal, wanting to have this conversation in private. Jun rubs Ten’s back smiles at him in an attempt to comfort him, and Ten returns the small smile.

“Let’s talk about this somewhere privately,” Seungcheol says, voice still firm but has noticeably calmed down. Both Ten and Jeonghan nod, following Seungcheol as he leads them to a secluded and quiet part of the house.

“ _Fuck,_ hyungs I’m really sorry—I didn’t even want Johnny to get involved, I really am just fucking up things for you guys continuously, huh?” Ten says, his voice wavering as he apologizes once more.

Seungcheol’s eyes soften as he holds the side of his face. Jeonghan is examining the part that was punched but looks towards Ten still. Jeonghan hugs Ten tightly, and Ten’s tears begin to fall.

“Ten, it’s okay—Jeonghannie and I, were not exactly _together or boyfriends_ or whatever, but I was kind of really jealous and I guess we’re _exclusive_ fuck buddies or whatever, so seeing you kiss him kind of really made me angry,” Seungcheol explained to Ten, and Ten sniffles into Jeonghan’s arms.

“I’m sorry for flirting with you too, Ten. I shouldn’t have said those things knowing that I’m in love with this idiot over here,” Jeonghan apologizes, and Ten just hugs Jeonghan tightly.

“Wait— _in love?_ ” Seungcheol asks, and his eyes widen, and Jeonghan rolls his eyes.

“That was kind of obvious already, Cheollie. You we’re just blind,” Jeonghan teases and Seungcheol blushes deeply.

“For the record, I’m in love with you too, but let’s discuss this thing with Ten first,” Seungcheol says, before adding, “Ten, I’m not mad at you—I was just shocked and jealous, I shouldn’t have raised my voice at you.”

“No, hyung that was alright, I honestly deserved that for kissing someone without knowing whether he’s single or not—but what’s not okay is Johnny punching you,” Ten says.

“It’s just a punch, Ten, it’ll heal,” Seungcheol waves off.

“Don’t worry about us or Cheollie, okay? We’ll be fine. We’d like to hang out with you some other time, too—we genuinely loved talking to you. Hopefully _sober_ next time,” Jeonghan teases, a light laugh shaking his body, and Ten couldn’t help but smile as he sniffles.

Jeonghan wipes his tears off and Seungcheol pats Ten’s back.

“Go talk to your friend, he’s probably worried about you. Seems like you both have some problems to resolve,” Seungcheol tells Ten, and Ten nods.

“Alright—I’m sorry again, hyungs,” Ten smiles a small and sad smile.

Jeonghan and Seungcheol wave him off, smiles on their faces.

“We’ll see you around and let’s have dinner some time!” Jeonghan calls out and Ten just nods.

Ten walks over to find the door that leads to the backyard—knowing full well that Johnny would most likely be spending his time there.

Johnny was standing near where their group of friends had been seated in the backyard, looking over his friends as he tries to regulate his breathing. Ten has obviously sobered up during the confrontation with Seungcheol and Jeonghan, and he’d like to think he’s calmed down from his anger as much as Johnny has calmed down from his. Ten walks over to Johnny and Johnny immediately meets his gaze.

“Johnny, can we talk somewhere else, please?” Ten calls out to him, voice low and _clearly_ upset.

Johnny nods, as he moves to follow Ten.

The group of friends keep their eye on the two, until Doyoung claps his hands to regain their attention and signals the group to let the two best friends be.

Ten leads Johnny to the front yard, for the front yard was relatively empty and could provide them a space to talk. There were chairs out front, and Ten and Johnny move to grab some to sit on.

They both sit down side by side, watching people come and go through the front doors of the party. They bask in a moment of silence—Ten wanting to collect his thoughts, while Johnny chooses to stay silent for the younger to take charge of the conversation.

“I could have handled that alone,” Ten says, voice firm and tinged with the _slightest_ bit of accusation.

“I know, but that doesn’t mean you should have handled it alone,” Johnny responds, accompanied with a roll of his eyes.

“Just _what_ was I handling, Johnny? All you knew was someone raised his voice at me—”

“Exactly! No one deserves to raise their voice to you—”

“Except _you_? Because right now John, you’re a _fucking_ hypocrite.”

“No, Ten, I’m raising my voice because I’m mad that you let yourself be treated that way—”

“Johnny, you don’t even know the complete story! Seungcheol-hyung, Jeonghan-hyung and I were talking—”

“Ten, he was shouting at you! That was _not_ talking! And the fact that you still call them _hyung_ —”

“Johnny, I’m asking you _just this once_ , to shut the fuck up and listen to me. It was my fault, okay? I _kissed_ Jeonghan-hyung without knowing that he was in a relationship with Seungcheol-hyung even if it was glaringly obvious that they had _something_ —of course Seungcheol-hyung would be mad. Seungcheol-hyung didn’t even _raise_ a fucking hand to me, what gave _you_ the right to punch him? We were conversing like proper adults, and _yes,_ maybe Seungcheol-hyung’s voice grew a bit _too_ loud but what the fuck do you expect?” Ten let out in a breath, his emotions getting the best of him, not being able to stay calm during the conversation. Ten felt like Johnny didn’t even try to understand the situation, merely glanced at it from a far and decided that someone else had been in the wrong—even when Ten was at fault.

Johnny stayed silent, not wanting to aggravate the Thai man anymore.

Ten stood up, brushing his pants, and mumbles, “Say sorry to Seungcheol-hyung and Jeonghan-hyung, I’m leaving.”

Ten walks away from Johnny, and he thinks about Johnny.

How Johnny will _always_ be there to _protect_ him. How the ever so _gentle and composed_ man that is Johnny could lose his temper and punch someone just to _protect_ Ten.

But Ten thinks what Johnny did wasn’t an act done to protect Ten from harm. Ten _knows_ that Jonny wasn’t trying to protect him—it was a reaction of sorts. It was an _automated_ response hardwired into Johnny, immediately getting in the way of harm that was about to come to Ten.

Sometimes, Ten thinks its not Ten who Johnny is trying to protect—its Johnny’s image of Ten he wants to protect. Johnny thinks that Ten is perfect, but Ten isn’t. Johnny thinks Ten is incapable of making bad decisions, but Ten is _fully capable_ of making bad decisions.

Ten wonders whether Johnny could ever look at Ten for who he truly is. He wonders if Johnny could ever see him in unfiltered light—raw and vulnerable, _capable of making mistakes._ Ten wonders if Johnny would ever see him as someone who could handle himself. Someone who isn’t the image of Ten that Johnny had conjured up in his mind.

If Johnny saw Ten without rose-tinted glasses, would he still love Ten all the same?

#### Two.

Ten was a realist, that’s something that all of his friends will agree to. Some would even go to the extent that he was _cynical_ , but Ten thinks he isn’t _that_ far gone. Hopefully.

Which is why people often wonder how Ten and Johnny have gotten along for so long—the gentle giant was one of the biggest optimists that Ten knows. Johnny was always there to cheer Ten up, no matter what situation. Didn’t matter if it was a failed test, a failed date, or a failed attempt at life, _really_ , Johnny will alleviate the pain of failure for Ten.

Growing up in Chicago as a gay, Asian kid was _not_ easy for Ten. There were always quite few people making comments about his _sexuality,_ his _hair,_ his _body_ , or his _life choices._ Ten hated it, obviously—Ten’s family easily accepted him with open arms after he came out to them, why can’t the people who _barely_ even know him do so as well?

Despite the snide comments, the rude remarks, and the backhanded comments, Ten pushed through. Simply because that was who Ten was—unabashedly proud and confident in his own skin. But when Ten is no longer under the harsh and criticizing gaze of other people, he still finds himself under the harshest gaze he’s come across with—his own.

The thing is, Ten is attuned to his emotions. He prides himself in being self-aware and knowing himself very well—he knows his strengths and his weaknesses all _too_ well.

When they were younger, Johnny had been the comforting presence in Ten’s life—a bottomless spring of strength that Ten draws from. Johnny was always the first one to reassure Ten that he was not defined by his weaknesses, that Ten was Ten despite of all that is _lacking_. Always the first one to tell Ten that ‘ _it’ll be alright._ ’

Ten doesn’t know when _exactly_ Johnny’s words of comfort turned into _empty promises_.

Ten doesn’t know if the cynicism comes with age, but he can’t help it—every failed test, disapproved performance, look of disappointment hits Ten harder each time. It was hard to be an optimist in the type of life Ten leads. There were a lot of people who praise him, but even more who _criticize_ him. This was Ten’s course, and though he’s happy with being able to dance and express himself and his passion, it was also undoubtedly draining.

They’re in college now, and Johnny still makes sure to be there for Ten—makes sure he’s the first one to reassure and help the younger man.

Every time Ten anxiously talks about failing one of his major exams, Johnny would always say, “It’s okay! You can still make up for your grade with other submissions.”

Even when the semester was about to end and Ten had _absolutely no way_ to improve his grade.

Every time Ten was insecure about a routine he’d choreograph, Johnny would always say, “It’s perfect Tennie, you’re doing great.”

Even when his teachers and peers have repeatedly told him that the routine _‘could be better’_ or _‘it isn’t your best work.’_

When Ten feels like life is against him and things aren’t going the way he wants it to, Johnny would always say, “Things are fine.”

Even when things, _are in fact_ , not fine.

Ten now knows when _exactly_ Johnny’s words started becoming empty promises.

Apparently, Johnny had developed a habit of lying after he’d realized his _adoration_ for Ten. Johnny would do _everything_ to make Ten smile, and that includes making empty promises and lies.

Ten wonders whether Johnny’s love for him had turned the older man into a _liar._ He wonders whether Johnny’s feelings for him were as genuine as his words.

#### Three.

Ten and Sicheng were practicing a complicated choreography that they were to perform for a showcase—it was _difficult_ , but honestly nothing that he and Sicheng could not handle. There were lots of twists and turns, ones that Ten is not particularly _fond_ of, but would do for the sake of the performance anyways.

Obviously, Sicheng had been trained to do such routines more than Ten was, but that didn’t stop Ten from doing his best. _Too much_ of his best, he realizes, as he spins and lands badly on his left ankle. The pain immediately shoots through Ten, making Ten fall flat on his ass as he realizes what happened—feeling the ache from his left ankle. Sicheng immediately asks him if he was okay, but Ten only looks up at him with teary eyes, frozen to the spot as he panics. Sicheng realizes the gravity of the situation as soon as he sees Ten’s eyes and hears his pained whimpers,

Sicheng asks Ten if he could move, and Ten responds with a shaky _‘no.’_ Sicheng immediately contacts Kun, and Kun immediately tells them that he’d be on his way.

As promised, Kun had arrived in record time, worry etched on his angelic face as he looks at Ten’s sniffling face. Kun and Sicheng carry Ten to the car, and Kun drives them to the hospital that he works at—immediately putting Ten in the emergency room, pulling strings to ensure that Ten would receive the best possible treatment as quick as possible.

Considering that Kun was a well-loved doctor, it was quite easy for him to pull some strings—hence why within five minutes, there was a doctor checking on Ten and telling Ten what needed to be done. Unfortunately for Ten, the injury needed immediate surgery as to not worsen. Ten was anxious to say the least—both Kun and Sicheng were as nervous as he was. This injury could potentially ruin the years and years of hard work he’s put into what he’s truly passionate about—dancing. With shaky hands and an even _shakier_ voice, he nods and listens to what the doctor had to say.

Thankfully, the doctor said that the injury wouldn’t have any lasting impact, but it would take months for it to recover fully, and some physical therapy to aid Ten. This would mean that he’d have to take a few months off of dancing, and Ten thinks that its still better than having to take an entire life off of dancing.

Before the surgery, Sicheng squeezes his hand supportively. Kun does the same, but adds a reassuring smile and a small kiss on the back of Ten’s hand—this was their _thing_. Ten had drunkenly told Kun in college that small kisses on the back of his hand felt comforting and reassuring—something that he would do to his mom, dad and sister when he was younger. Ten smiles at the two men and pushes through with the surgery.

The surgery was obviously successful, and Ten is now in significantly less pain than he had been. After the surgery and Ten had been moved to a recovery room for him to stay the night in. Kun said Ten had to be under observation for the night and the next day, as the surgery had injected him with strong anesthesia and medicine that may have some adverse effects and make him extremely hazy—the painkillers he had to take were just _that_ strong. When Ten had settled into the room, Kun suggested that Ten should contact Johnny to inform the older of his situation, as Johnny would obviously not be happy if he had to be kept in the dark with something like this, even if Johnny was quite busy trying to prepare for an important business trip.

With a heavy sigh, Ten still calls Johnny and informs him of the situation.

Within ten minutes after the call ended, Johnny was in Ten’s room, and the two Chinese men gave them some privacy. If Ten was being honest, he was anticipating and _dreading_ this conversation with Johnny. As always, Johnny would berate him for _‘not taking care of himself well enough.’_

Ten’s right—Johnny does _berate_ him, extensively, too. As if Ten hasn’t criticized himself enough. Johnny even reminds him of the fact that the injury could’ve easily destroyed his career—and it took every ounce of Ten’s willpower to refrain himself from saying something regrettable to Johnny.

It wasn’t like Ten _didn’t_ know that. In fact, Ten knew how _stupid_ he had been, pushing himself to practice the turns and spins so much that he’d strain himself physically and mentally. So, he snapped at Johnny, and before the conversation turns into a full-blown fight, Kun and Sicheng save the day by arriving with food on hand.

Kun immediately sees Ten’s contained anger while Sicheng had been oblivious, and thus Kun sends Ten a smile and diverts the conversation to the food.

As they eat, the conversation had become progressively lighter—Johnny even joking about how the injury had been life’s way of reminding him to rest.

Ten smiles, not finding the joke funny, while Sicheng laughs and Kun giggles, squeezing Ten’s hand under the sheets, as he recognizes Ten’s tight-lipped smile.

Ten doesn’t like to _rest_ —not because he was a _raging workaholic_ , but because he feels like rest makes him feel anxious and uneasy. As if rest would leave him to lag behind as his peers advance. It makes Ten feel left behind and makes him feel as if he won’t be able to catch up. This is something that Kun understands and resonates with, which is why Kun had been so _empathetic_ and caring towards him in this situation, and this is something that Johnny has never understood.

This was Ten’s frustration ever since they had been kids—but Johnny had always dismissed it, saying that Ten would be able to catch up because Ten was just _that_ good.

When Kun left, Ten was thankful that Studio Ghibli had filled the unwavering silence between the three of them, Sicheng being made aware of the tension between the two best friends, but not necessarily acting on it. Ten is even more thankful when Yangyang arrives along with Donghyuck, as he missed the younger man _so much_.

Ten and Yangyang bicker as usual, and Ten can’t deny how fond he is of the youngest in their friend group. Ten, Sicheng and Yangyang even converse in Mandarin secretively about Ten’s obvious feelings for Kun.

As soon as the clock hits five pm, Ten kicks Johnny out so that Johnny could prepare for his flight to London still.

Johnny complies, and Kun arrives shortly after Johnny leaves.

Kun hugs Yangyang tightly as soon as he arrives, and Yangyang hugs him back just as excitedly and Ten looks at them with so much love that Sicheng struggles to hold in the snort as he observes Ten. Kun hugs Donghyuck as well, rubbing his back as Donghyuck snuggles closer into him. Kun laughs and Yangyang slaps Donghyuck’s arm, reprimanding him from snuggling into _his_ ge. Kun now had his overnight bag with him, as he told Ten earlier that he would be staying the night with Ten. Kun also brought some snacks for them to share, and dinner for them to enjoy with the two younger men as they caught up with each other.

Though Ten was having fun with the conversation they had been having, it was hard for Ten to _not_ think about his and Johnny’s conversation. It was sad really, to realize that what was then endearing for Ten had become so burdensome. The conversation with Johnny made him feel uneasy simply because it made him feel _small_ and _incapable_.

Incapable of being a functioning adult who takes care of himself well. Simply because of one _accident_.

Soon, the end to visiting hours loom over the heads of Sicheng, Yangyang and Donghyuck. Though Sicheng had been reluctant of leaving—and so was Yangyang, really—the two trusted Kun to take care of Ten well. The three look for an Uber to share, and before they leave, each of them take turns to hug Ten and Kun.

A few minutes after they leave, Kun gently moves over towards Ten. Kun gently strokes Ten’s hair and suddenly, Ten feels the tiredness hit him like a truck. Kun chuckles as he sees Ten struggle to keep his eyes open.

“Sleep, I’ll always be here when you need me. I know this entire thing drained you more than you expected it to.”

Kun continues to stroke Ten’s hair, and Ten is _absolutely_ sure that he couldn’t help the small _content_ smile that creeps into his face.

“…Thank you, Kun,” Ten mumbles, and he lets sleep take over his body.

\--

The next morning, he hears Kun conversing with Johnny, and Ten’s heart shatters. Kun lets out small _‘tsks’_ at Johnny as Johnny explains himself to Kun. Johnny told Kun about considering this a _family emergency_ and telling his professor and the organizers that he won’t be able to make it—which was fine, as the fact that his pictures had been exhibited in the gallery was exposure enough.

Ten can’t find himself trying to open his eyes in fear that if he did, he’d have to accept the fact that Johnny had given up a portion of himself once more, just for Ten.

Ten’s heart aches as he wonders if Johnny could ever choose to be selfish and do something for himself and _no one else_.

#### Four.

Ten, Sicheng and Lucas were all out for the night—drinking their woes away and having _some sort of_ fun dancing against sweaty bodies and even drunker people.

Lucas has grown increasingly clingy with his boyfriend, Sicheng, ranting about work and the assholes that tell Lucas he’s only a _pretty face_. Lucas was in the fashion industry, and though he does use his face to earn money, it was still unfair to be categorized as just a _pretty face_ when he was more than that. The industry had been draining the _young man_ but it’s what he wants in life and Lucas was willing to endure such hardships just to achieve his dreams of walking the runway and designing his own brand.

Sicheng sadly listens to him, wanting to at least _decrease_ the pain his boyfriend is feeling, but all he could do at the moment was listen and take care of him as he drinks away.

Ten had unloaded the increasing _guilt_ he’s been feeling as he feels that he’d been leading Johnny on—even when Johnny hasn’t made any sort of confession that point to him actually liking Ten romantically. Ten feels the weight of Johnny’s feelings, and despite his attempts to curve his _best friend’s_ attraction, it was as if the image that Johnny had built around Ten was not shattered by Ten’s attempts. Ten feels _guilty_ for feeling as If Johnny’s feelings had become such a _burden_ to him—but more than that, it makes Ten feel as if the image that Johnny has of him was something he could never be and therefore, it makes him feel as if he’ll disappoint Johnny in some _way_.

Now, Ten was drunk as _hell_ and Sicheng couldn’t call Kun to take care of Ten as Kun was too busy saving lives—quite literally. Sicheng couldn’t call Yangyang, since he had been terrorizing _(visiting)_ his family in Germany, and Xioajun and Hendery were both in China for work, thus crossing them off the list as well.

Sicheng has to call Johnny for back-up despite Ten’s incessant begging for Sicheng to _not_ call Johnny. Sicheng, _unfortunately_ , does not waver.

“Johnny-hyung, this is Sicheng—”

“What the _hell_ Sicheng, not Johnny, what the fuck! Anyone but _him,_ I want Kunkun!”

“What do you mean don’t call Johnny? Ten, no, Kun’s on a shift right now—”

“But Kunkun—"

“He’s literally trying to _save a life_!”

“Yeah, but he should be saving _mine!”_

“Hi hyung, Ten and I are out and he’s really _fucking_ drunk, and I’d totally take him home but I have to bring Lucas home too and he’s even more hammered than Ten, can you pick him up? I know it’s late and we’re sorry to disturb you but I really wouldn’t call you if it isn’t—”

Ten pouts exaggeratedly and whines at Sicheng, and Lucas does nothing but laugh at Ten’s demise.

“We’re in the Vision right now, hyung, I’ll wait for you to get here before Lucas and I grab an Uber,” Sicheng explains.

The moment Johnny arrives though, Ten is rid of the guilt, replaced with a rather _childlike_ disposition, acting the way he had been when they were younger. _Free and without fear of crossing a boundary that Ten is unwilling to cross._

\--

They arrive at Johnny’s apartment and though the details had been hazy to Ten, it was _clear_ enough to tell Ten that Johnny was _fucked_ and his feelings of _guilt_ were called for.

Johnny had fixed some clothes for Ten to change into after Ten would brush his teeth, and even fixed Ten a glass of water to sober him up.

Ten is suddenly reminded of the fact that there are some boundaries he will _never_ be willing to cross with Johnny.

In Ten’s drunken state, he tiredly _flops_ straight to Johnny’s bed. Ten had clearly seen how Johnny had been spending his time _devoting_ his life to making life easier for Ten, and Ten couldn’t help but feel his heart clench knowing that he can’t ever devote his life to Johnny the same way.

Ten sees the look of _adoration_ Johnny has for who he thinks Ten is, and Ten couldn’t help but mumble out a small _“Sorry.”_

This was Ten’s only attempt at an apology for hurting Johnny—Ten’s very _sorry_ for the fact that he’s caused so much pain for Johnny and will probably cause more. But he’s not sorry for not feeling the same way.

#### Five.

Ever since Kun and Ten got together, Ten’s guilt towards had started to fade slowly but surely.

It was when Kun and Ten got together that Ten realized that Johnny’s feelings were mere adoration of an image Johnny had made of Ten—one that Ten could never live up to.

It was a _rare_ lazy Sunday for the both of them—both Kun and Ten were engrossed in their careers and they respect each other massively for it. Both their jobs were demanding, and it was rare for them to be able to laze around without thinking about their responsibilities. Kun was a doctor, and that itself easily drains his energy and time. Ten had been increasingly busier as the studio he owns with Sicheng had been becoming more and more popular. But this day, Kun and Ten had spent doing nothing but basking in each other’s presence.

The sun had set, and Kun started to cook for them in his apartment. Kun had encouraged Ten to facetime Ten’s mom, so that Kun could follow along Ten’s mom’s instructions as Kun cooks his boyfriend’s favorite food.

Ten is filled with an _unfamiliar but not unwelcome_ warmth when he sees Kun talk to his mom animatedly about food—Ten’s mom giggling and laughing at everything Kun said. Safe to say that Ten’s family adores Kun as much as he does.

“Ten, make sure to take care of Kun, alright? You won’t ever find another man like him, Ten!”

“Trust me, Ma, I know,” Ten smiles fondly at his mother, and he looks up to see Kun smiling at him just as fondly.

Ten’s heart beats faster, and he can’t help but redden under Kun’s _loving_ gaze.

Kun finishes cooking and Ten sets the table for the both of them. They eat together, exchanging stories of what happened with them within the week, laughing and giggling at all the funny stories they both had up their sleeves.

After dinner, they move to the couch, opening up a bottle of wine they’d share over Studio Ghibli movies. They cuddled into Kun’s couch, Ten enjoying Kun’s arms wrapped around him tightly, making him feel secure. Ten loves Kun’s warmth, loves how Kun’s breath tickles his nape, loves how Kun’s fingers always end up entangled with his. Ten _loves Kun_.

They move to the bed after finishing the bottle of wine, Kun carrying Ten in his arms as the Thai man had fallen asleep on the couch, cuddled up into Kun. Kun was extremely careful to not wake the slightly younger man up, and as soon as Kun lays Ten into the bed, Ten grumbles and taps the spot beside him. Kun laughs, and proceeds to lay down next to Ten. As soon as Kun’s back hits the bed, Ten immediately snuggles into Kun and Kun immediately wraps an arm around Ten.

Ten wakes up a few minutes after, observing Kun snore lightly, tired lines erased from Kun’s face. As Ten’s limbs are entangled with Kun’s, Ten can’t help but wonder what would it feel if the limbs entangled with his were longer—wonders what it would be like if it was with Johnny, if their lives had been entangled instead of his and Kun.


	3. three: kun

Kun was everything Ten wanted and needed.

Kun was stability, growth, comfort and _home_. Kun was a constant, fixed figure in Ten’s life—and he wouldn’t have it any other way.

Whereas Johnny would see Ten as _perfection_ , Kun reminds Ten that he was human—capable of making mistakes but also capable of correcting such mistakes.

Whereas Johnny would make _empty promises_ in order to keep Ten happy, Kun would slap Ten with reality—but help him face the _harsh_ reality by standing beside and alongside him.

Whereas Johnny would do everything for Ten, Kun would never—Kun would compromise and sacrifice, _sure,_ but never would he do things that would harm him in the long-run just for Ten. Kun was calm, level-headed, and rational.

Whereas Johnny pictured an image of Ten who was _perfect_ and _godly,_ an image that Ten had struggled to portray _,_ Kun let Ten paint himself out to be whoever he wanted to be.

Kun respects Ten’s independence and recognizes him as his _own individual_ person. Kun grounds Ten in a way that no one else but Kun _do._

Ten may have fallen asleep with the frazzled by the question he had in mind, but he woke up with an answer clearer than anything he’s ever seen in his life.

Seeing Kun’s soft ruffled hair, small, _sleepy,_ dimpled smile that’s only _for_ Ten, while Louis and Leon are snuggling in between them—Ten doesn’t need to wonder what _this_ would feel like with Johnny. Because in any world, in any universe, waking up next to Kun will always be what Ten would need and want. The happiness that surrounds Ten every time he’s with Kun is greater than any feeling that Ten has felt in his existence.

No matter what, Ten knows for a fact that his life would always be entangled with _Kun’s._

In all lives Ten has lived and will live, it would never have been Johnny.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope y'all aren't too mad at ten ajksdfhjkahdf!!
> 
> i think unsaid emotions are always a double-edged sword. as much as we want to think that johnny's feelings were not a burden, we also can't deny that it was burdensome for ten, trying to portray an image he never even wanted to have in the first place.
> 
> comment y'alls philosophical thoughts on love cause i love hearing about em!!

**Author's Note:**

> tbh the entire thing that happened the past few days was a mess. might have to take a break from the nctzen side of twtr in order to calm down from the entire ordeal--it had taken an emotional toll on me. i had started to write this before shit went down, so i might finish this first and then write some seventeen fics, seeing as ive been wanting to write seventeen fics for a while now.


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